Thursday, April 30, 2009

EGS: Extreme Grocery Shopping

Shopping has become an extreme sport ladies! I kid you not!

I regularly find myself in the express lane… ah ha I can hear you all laughing because there’s usually nothing express like about these lanes and so more fool me. However, I do regularly find myself in these lanes (I’m not too bright, no) and I have discovered a strange phenomenon concerning the elderly and their shopping trolleys. In the last month alone I have had three elderly women ram their trolleys into my behind while waiting in one of these lines. THREE in ONE month! Joking? Oh how I wish.

Now the natural conclusion is to question your ass size. Exactly how big has it gotten? Has it expanded to giant proportions so they can’t help but injure you or are they simply using it for target practice? Now it’s not a tiny behind. It’s not a size eight or zero, I don’t exist on lettuce leaves alone, but it’s not so big that you need a crane to lift me into my car in the car park either. So what exactly IS going on?

Then there’s the question of how to react when someone rams you from behind. Do you throw your hands up, shriek bloody murder and pelt them with chocolate bars and whatever else is on display beside you? Do you pretend that you didn’t just go rocketing forward head first into the questionable looking man in front of you? Or are you like me, Miss Manners steps up the plate and you find yourself (after a glare because, well, THREE in ONE month) pretending that your backside isn’t black and blue? Doormat anyone?

I should probably also clarify that one of these women managed to do it three times in one line. Thrilled I was not.

Perhaps it’s time to go back to hunting and gathering? Swipe the fish from the stream so to speak. Climb a tree. Fight a crocodile. Choices, choices…

Have you found yourself in a similar situation? What did you do? Do you curse your polite upbringing? Do you use it in a book and then kill off the character just because you can? Do you unleash your inner Bogart and morph into their worst enemy? (that last reference is for anyone who has kids who love Harry Potter ;) ).


Suzanne said...

Old ladies and shopping trolleys are a lethal combination. I believe it has something to do with grey-rage.

I used to glare pointedly at the offending old lady until an apology was forthcoming. Now I keep my trolley firmly between me and them - you have to twist the wrong way to get your shopping bags in, but it's worth it.

Jackie Ashenden said...

I usually use my killer-gaze on said offenders. Works on kids and small animals too. :-)

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